Never Be Clean
by WalkingDictionary
Summary: Natalia is worried about Ryan after the events of Last Stand. One shot. Mentions of WISC.


**Disclaimer: I own nothing regarding CSI: Miami—or any other recognizable objects found in this story. Warning: this story contains spoilers for the episode Last Stand. I don't know about any other viewers, but I was bothered by the scene with Soto after the sting on the bus. In my opinion, Wolfe would not have done that if he was not under direct orders to; although, he did seem rather off this episode. I apologize if this bothers you in any way.**

**Happy reading!**

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"Something's wrong with Ryan," Calleigh shuts her locker and turns to face her friend Natalia. "He was distracted when the boys got back from the raid on the bus. I think he's hurt or something."

"Maybe," Natalia shrugs. She wants to play the uninterested friend who eventually goes to see what's wrong with him, but she doesn't want Calleigh to beat her to the punch. "I'll check on him and let you know what's what."

"Okay," Calleigh waves bye and clicks away.

Natalia sighs, leaning against her locker. "What'd you do now?" And then she goes to look for him.

* * *

She finds him in the bathroom scrubbing his hands over and over again. She watches him for a few moments, lips pursed. Is she judging him? She doesn't want to because she knows the desperate look on Ryan's face is begging her not to, but she can't help it. She takes in his shirt—different from when he returned, so he's changed clothes. His hair is messy, like he's run his hands through it half a dozen times. Her suspicions are confirmed when he grabs fistfuls of hair and tugs on it.

Then he resumes his frantic scrubbing.

"It won't come off. Make it come off. Get it off me!" She jumps as he lunges toward her, hands shoved under her nose. "Please, get it off me."

He's almost in tears, and it worries her. She's never seen him like this.

"What won't come off?"

"Y-you can't see it?" He looks at his hands before curling them into fists. She steps back. Too many times, with Nick, she stayed too close and ended up with a bruised eye or a split lip. Ryan notices her reaction and forces himself to calm down.

"At the bus," he tilts his head, drawing in a deep breath and turning back to the sink to start washing his hands again, "at the bus, Horatio made me do something."

"What?"

"I didn't want to. I know what it's like to be tortured. Why'd he make me do it?"

"Do what?" She has an idea—Horatio tried to pull something like that with her. Pulled a suspect into a car and threatened him with bodily violence—actually beat him, too. Ryan pulls his hands from the water, and for the first time she notices the steam. "God, what are you doing?" She shuts off the tap before he can put his hands back. "Your hands are clean."

"Don't you see?" He sidesteps her when she moves to look at his hands again. "My hands will never be clean again. I'll never be clean again." He brushes past her, the door actuating shut with a hiss more menacing than a slam.

What has Horatio done?

* * *

Natalia finds Horatio watching the Miami skyline on the roof of the Crime Lab. She waits for him to acknowledge her before she speaks, but he seems content to ignore her. She clears her throat, jumping when it sounds louder than she intended it to.

Horatio turns to her, "Miss Boa Vista?"

"Do you have any idea what you did to Ryan today?" She doesn't try to hide the venom in her voice. She wants to hurt him like he hurt her friend. "Do you know what he's been doing for the past five hours?"

"Mr. Wolfe didn't do anything I didn't ask him to."

"Don't you mean order? Yeah, I noticed it. Ryan doesn't do anything you _ask_ him to because with him it's always an _order_."

"If he has objections, why doesn't he voice them?" Horatio turns away from her again. "Why doesn't he ever say no?"

"Maybe he thinks he'll be fired or arrested if he refuses anything." She swallows hard because if her thought is correct, then she's done nothing to help Ryan. And Horatio has certainly done a lot of damage. "His hands are burned from the hot water he keeps using to scrub off invisible…blood, I think."

Horatio starts. "He should have told me." He leaves her standing on the roof wondering what the hell is wrong with her colleagues.

* * *

She finds Eric in the break room with a cup of coffee and an enthralled Walter. Eric is telling the story of when he, Horatio, and Frank were pinned down in the hotel room. She listens for a little while, wondering if Eric is as bothered by the thing Horatio made Ryan do as Ryan is.

"Hey, Natalia," Walter looks up for a brief second to wave her to the seat next to him. "What I wouldn't give to go on raids with you guys. It seems so much more interesting than partnering with Wolfe all the time."

"Eh, Wolfe has his moments," Eric leans back, self-satisfied smirk on his face.

"Eric," Natalia ventures, "what happened at the bus today?"

"What do you mean?"

"What did Ryan do that the rest of you didn't, that maybe you didn't think much of?"

Eric thinks for a little while, brow furrowed in the way that used to be cute, five years ago. "We were forced to wound Soto and Salazar ran for it. I chased him. When I got back to the bus, Horatio had Soto against the side and Wolfe was holding his shoulder." Eric looks green for a moment. "Wolfe dug his thumb in the wound to get Soto to talk."

Natalia sits back. It's exactly what she thought happened. She's mad at Horatio for using Ryan with such disregard, and she's mad at Eric for not realizing that it wasn't Ryan's choice to do that.

She's furious with Ryan for not standing up for himself. What kind of a man lets another trample all over him and his values? Walter sits shell-shocked.

"I thought I knew him," he manages before leaning over and emptying his stomach. Eric makes a disgusted face, and Natalia leaves them sitting there.

* * *

She finds Ryan on the floor of the showers in the locker room. The water is cooling and he is fully clothed. His legs are drawn up, knees bumping his chin, and his arms are wrapped tightly around them. He is shaking, rocking back and forth.

She turns the water off and wraps him in a towel conveniently laid out on one of the benches. He barely looks at her.

He's in shock.

She wants to call for help, but she can't find her phone fast enough. Then Natalia decides to take him to the hospital herself. It will be faster than trying to find someone and convince whomever that Ryan needs help.

He's heavy, but she is able to get him to his feet. And then they wobble all over the place as she half carries, half drags him to the elevator.

By the time she gets him to the parking garage where her car is waiting, he's come out of his shock enough to ask her where they're going.

"You need a hospital." He jumps when her car chirps as she unlocks it.

"No, I don't. I'm fine, plus I'll just get your car wet."

"Water dries," she opens the door and practically shoves him inside. He is shivering, lips turning blue. How can someone freeze in Miami? She doesn't want to think about what's happening to her friend. If she does, she won't be able to drive straight.

He tugs on the door, shutting it weakly before she redoes it, trying not to cringe at the way he jumps when the door slams closed. She hurries to the driver's seat, starting the engine and cranking up the heat.

"Thank you," he murmurs, before closing his eyes.

"Stay awake!" she commands, but he doesn't listen to her.

Traffic is unbearable—it's rush hour after all—but they make it to Dade General in ten minutes—after she turns on the siren.

Ryan is whisked away almost as soon as she puts the car in park, several people swarming the vehicle. Natalia swears she sees Alexx in the faces, but it's too late for the former M.E. to be on duty. She chases after the group, trying to keep an eye on Ryan.

"Wait here," one of the doctors tells her. "I'll come get you as soon as he's out of the danger zone."

All she can do is watch the gurney disappear behind double doors, a swarm of nurses and doctors working on her unconscious friend.

* * *

The waiting room is uncomfortable, but she'd rather be here than waiting to identify his body in the morgue. A nagging voice in the back of her head tells her that he never would have ended up there, but she doesn't want to think about what would have happened had she not found him in the showers.

"Miss Boa Vista?" The doctor, who had promised to update her, approaches her. "Mr. Wolfe is ready for visitors."

She nods. Her throat won't open to allow her to thank the woman and her eyes sting. It doesn't matter that Ryan probably wasn't in any danger after they arrived here. Two hours is still too long to go without reassurance.

When they arrive at his room, she steels herself for any changes that might have occurred since the last time she laid eyes on him. She breathes a sigh of relief when he looks remarkably the same. He is covered in blankets and there is an IV line running from the crook of his right elbow, but otherwise he appears as if he's going to demand a suspect to confess to a crime any second.

He opens his eyes when she settles into the chair next to his bed. She smiles and he returns the gesture. They sit in silence for a few minutes before a nurse arrives to shoo her away because visiting hours have expired.

"I'll be back tomorrow to pick you up," she fiddles with the hem of her shirt, refusing to look at him as she leverages herself out of the uncomfortable seat.

"Thanks for having my back," he whispers when she is almost at the door.

"That's what friends are for," she responds, turning away quickly so he can't see the tears that suddenly spring to her eyes. "And remember, you are clean."

~ The End ~


End file.
